Smiling....

I like a website called MakesMeThink.com. It has a link to a page of "Thought Questions," where questions are asked that cannot be answered easily. I decided to do this blog about today's question (in no particular order):

What are ten things in your life right now that make you smile?

1. My friends-long-known, new, close and far away

2. Autumn: an impressionist painting of golds, scarlets and sunshine

3. Being introduced to new and touching songs

4. Adventures to both unknown and remembered places

5. God

6. Dense, creamy, delicious milkshakes

7. Singing with a piano instead of just the wind

8. Wearing gloves

9. Memories of autumn at home

10. Learning continually to step out of the circle I call comfort, despite my fear

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

What is something in your life right now makes you smile?

no need for words

"The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had." Unknown

We sat on the cold stone wall watching the remnants of the sun's red cloak sweep behind the dark trees. The thick grey clouds drifted overhead and we watched through the blue windows they made as the stars faded into light. We said a lot but didn't talk much.

Looking down from that hill into the dim park was like looking at the future-far yet near, visible, yet unclear and poorly lit. Probably just how it should be.

I could try to word my thoughts, but I feel that what I wish to say cannot be articulated, but felt. All I can say is that we didn't even notice the silence, because it really wasn't pure silence. It was humid with thoughts and cluttered with understanding.

Adventures with the best of friends leave me feeling blessed.

A Coward's Courage

"We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous"

Courageous

Casting Crowns

I went to see Courageous, the movie made by Sherwood pictures (Fireproof and Facing the Giants) for the second time last night. As I sat in the darkness and the actions of the men and women of the story flashed before my eyes, it struck me. I am a coward. This is not the first time that this thought has "hit me between the eyes" but it always hits just as hard. Do I have the courage to resolve to be a better person before God and the people around me? In writing? The men in the story did. They made a resolution to be better by, for and with God. They, though perhaps burdened by fear, took a step of faith.One of them failed. The other three found strength from God they could never have fathomed. I want that. I want that faith. But it is a comfort to me that I want more faith. It shows me that I am hungry for a better relationship with God, that I want to rely on His unending strength and not my own fragile, practically nonexistent strength. Nonetheless, I want to be better, more focused and more dependent on God.  I want to stand, reliant on God, and bold for His name. "It starts with us tonight."

The other thought that came to my head was my future. Husband that is. It is hard to watch others date and be happy when I have never had a relationship. It is hard to watch people grow closer to each other in that way while I-well, watch. What I found from Courageous was courage to be patient. There is a man who has resolve, maybe he doesn't yet, but who will be resolved to be a man, a husband and a father. He isn't here right now, so I am obviously not ready and neither is he. Waiting for him will be worthwhile, and I will strive with God's strength to be a woman of God, for him. I long for the day I will meet him, or rather the day that I know it is him. But I am content. Content to wait and grow and be satisfied with the wonderful friends and family I have. When I need him, God will send him. Or when he needs me, I will be sent. However it works out is fine with me. I trust Him to cross our paths in His own time. His own good time. It takes courage to be patient. Courage that I don't have. So this is my prayer for him and I: "Lord make us Courageous."

Change!

This may seem a bit soon, but I am thinking about revamping this blog. I was never really happy with it-the look, the name, the theme (or lack thereof.) I had an epiphany while attempting to take a nap. I had just been looking at some of my favorite quotes and thinking about how much I love quotes, songs and poetry. I love words. I love the words of other people and thinking about my reaction to them and how those words affect me. And wisdom. Wisdom is something I almost desperately crave. I have always wished to be wise, and the wisdom I find in songs and poetry keeps me going some days. God gave me talent in turning phrases, but I admire the talent He gave to the people that I quote. I am mulling over the idea that this can be a place where I share that wisdom and its affect on me, in the hope that maybe it will help you along the way as well. I don't know what to cal it yet, I don't know what it will look like, but I know that it will be more of what I want to do. I will probably post the occasional random post about funny or amazing things that happen if I think they are worth your time. But my focus will be on quotes from literature, poetry and songs. I also will do some words (like nostalgia). I feel like this will be a better way to go for me and I am excited! Let me know what you think of the idea. Thanks!

The Mists of Nostalgia

nostalgia: noun

That subtle and slightly bittersweet ache that we feel when overcome by memories. It can be brought on by something as easy as looking backward out of a car window, or something as hard as stepping into the decaying ruins of a place from our childhood. The slightest scent, the most obscure color can cause an upheaval of our minds where memories crash down incessantly like a waterfall. We drink those memories as though we had been in the desert for days –and maybe we have. A desert is a place devoid, so perhaps we have been devoid of love, of peace, of comfort, of clarity. The hazy clarity of these memories is a shocking contrast to the sharp distortion of the present. Nostalgia is sorrow, delayed mourning for what has been lost in growth, in change and in progress. It is the realization that recapturing what we had then is both impossible and undesirable, but we desire it anyway. At the same time, it is a joy, a gratefulness that those memories exist, that those days happened. As we travel through the museum of our memories, we are amazed, and sometimes full of wonder at the things which happened to us. Even the painful memories are appreciated for the lessons we learned from them, though the tendrils of pain may brush our hearts as we remember.

There is no season quite so nostalgic as autumn. It symbolizes a time of change, of letting the old go and preparing to face the new. We do this every season, but autumn is both the most beautiful and the most hideous. It begins with the mottled and brilliantly glowing leaves and ends with the stark brown and grey of empty trees and rain. it reminds us of the most beautiful days and the most disheartening ones. We watch as the wind sends showers of scarlets down in the golden light of the sun, marveling and mourning. We marvel at the beauty of the falling leaves, but mourn their flight from the trees. And so as I sit and watch through the wavy glass as leaves fall, I am overcome by memories, by nostalgia. My heart aches gratefully for the moments of wonder. Yet I am content.

but...You love me anyway

"But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known.

Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me.

I am the thorns in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night,
I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life...

But You love me anyway."

You Love Me Anyway
Sidewalk Prophets
These Simple Truths

Something about this song is amazing. These words break my heart, convict me as I should be convicted. I am the thorns, I am the sweat, I am the nails, I am the kiss, I am the man. I am that man. How many times have I betrayed God, turned my back on Him, forgotten about Him, ignored Him, disrespected Him? Too many. My heart is sinful. I was born with this sin in my soul. And there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot make myself clean. But He can. He did. How freeing is that? I don't have the power to heal myself. All I have to do is trust Him. Trusting is easier said than done of course, but that is another story for another day. The "simple truth" is that despite all the sin we have in us, and all the bad things we do, He loves us. 

1 Corinthians 1:25 talks about how God's foolishness is wiser than our wisest wisdom. His weakness is stronger than our greatest strength. When I read this I thought to myself, "Wow. This is the guy who should be rejecting us. Of anyone who has the right, the power and the justice to condemn us, reject us, leave us, crush us, send us away in disgrace, God has the right. He, according to His own laws, should reject us. We are just as guilty as the man who called for Jesus to be killed instead of a murderer. I know I would love to say that I would not have rejected Christ, but I know myself better.

But He loves us anyway.

The people who hurt Him, the people who rejected Him, the people who made a fool of Him, who tormented Him, who used Him, who mocked Him, who robbed Him, who killed Him: He loved them. Anyway.

People torment me, use me, reject me, make a fool of me, mock me and hurt me. I want to reject them. But how can I have the pride to reject those the Holy God has chosen to die for, to love anyway?