November 8, 2011

"Satisfy me Lord of all...."

content: adjective
satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else

Sitting in a tree, warmed by the spring sun through a white veil of apple blossoms.

Swift strokes of a paddle that glide my kayak smoothly over the blue lake as a cool breeze ruffles through my hair.

Sitting in the dim lights of a dorm lounge until 3am sharing thoughts on life and being vulnerble with the people who matter.

Yet to me, true contentment isn't simply those moments that we feel satisfied and full. Contentment is a decision.

We will be discontent until we see God face to face, so true satisfaction will never come here. We must learn to be content in our discontent. We must learn to accept the fact that we will be uncertain, uneasy, confused and dissatisfied. Learning to acknowledge uncertainty while also seeing the beauty of the life God has given us, is where contentment comes.

There are days where the rain pierces my cold skin like ice and yet, I can see and appreciate what I have. There are days when the sun warms my skin like flannel and yet I fear the unknown.

Where am I going?

How will I get there?

Will I be alone?

Will I ever find him?

How long until...everything else?

I don't know.

But I am okay with that. God knows where I am going, and I don't need to worry about it as long as I follow Him and trust Him. Perhaps contentment is walking along the edge of a cliff without worrying about falling and enjoying the view on both sides instead of thinking about the drop. Perhaps it is walking and only being able to see the ring of light the lantern of God's love shows, and finding it beautiful and worthwhile instead of wondering fearfully what waits in the dark. Perhaps contentment is strength, strength that takes time and thought and God to build.

I am glad that I do not know what is going to happen. It will be an adventure, a journey worth commencing. I am glad that God knows what is going to happen. He is the One I can trust. And I will trust Him.

Today is a beautiful day. The sun pours in my window and my curtains are swept by the breeze like the sails of a ship. I have a million things to do, a million thoughts in my head, worries in my mind, sorrows on my heart. But I am breathing. I am alive. God is near. I am content.

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