March 24, 2012

Spring's Strength

There is nothing more energizing than potential. It buzzes like a hive teeming with bees, just waiting to burst out and fly away. Perhaps the only thing more beautiful is realized potential. Walking in the warm darkness of Spring,  realized potential still glows with loveliness in the lamplight.

Spring is the season for using potential. Trees are teeming with buds, bursting into flowers, then leaves. So often I find the potential I uncovered in the reflection of Winter's solitude being  developed in the Spring. 

Lately, there has been a theme of strength in my life. God has put people and verses and songs across my path that emphasize how, even though we are weak, because of Him, we can be strong. We are strong, with  His strength. This potential to be strong, if we rely on Him, is something I have struggled to accept. In my utter depravity, I feel so weak, so fragile.

I am.

But He tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that ”My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.”  The song Give Me Faith declares in the bridge "I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me." We were created to be  strong, "we were made to be courageous." (Courageous, Casting Crowns) And so I have seen His strength in me this Spring. Potential for tasks I never thought I could do. But through God, anything, ANYTHING, is possible. Let Him use you, for He has made you with potential to do great things with His strength.

March 9, 2012

"my heart is like a prisoner of war"

{I've got voices in my head, they are so strong,
and I;m getting sick of this, oh Lord how long
will I be haunted by the fear that I believe?
My hands like locks on cages of these dreams I can't set free.
If I let these dreams die...will the letting go let me come alive?
Empty my hands, fill up my heart, capture my mind with You.}

Empty My Hands -my favorite song of all time
Tenth Avenue North

tug-of-war. I never liked that game. I always got trampled, and usually I let go because I didn't want to get rope-burn. Ironically, my relationship with God has been an ongoing tug-of-war since the beginning. Fortunately, He wins. Every time.

Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that if I make enough plans or dream enough about something, God wouldn't dare take it away. He loves me too much to hurt me like that, I tell myself. This is the one thing, God, the one thing I really want. 

I have said that about a great many things, dreams both small and big. Tonight He finally wrenched another one from my stubborn grasp, painfully. My hands are red and raw, but the cool air in their empty grasp is comforting. He will bandage my poor hands until they are strong enough to receive what He has for me.

It isn't easy to think that I will not get what I wanted. Why did I want it?

To make me happy.

Why did He take it?

So that I could realize that joy comes from Him. That his plans are good-hard, but good. That what I really wanted, all along is Him. Not the dreams, not the things, just Him. Nothing else could ever be enough. It still hurts, but I am peaceful.

March 7, 2012

a challenging virtue

Anticipation has slowed the second hand. Gravity seems to have lessened its pull on the grains of sand that usually glide so rhythmically through the hour glass. This is the challenge of waiting. 

Imagined stills of the dreams and hopes for which I wait swirl hazily through my mind. These thoughts decrease my patience, making each dream more real and vivid. Other times, the thoughts are blurred and seem distant and impossible. 

I wait for an adventure in the near future. I wait for journeys in the far future. I wait for dreams to slip into my life unannounced, or parade in whenever God wills. And so I pray for patience, each time I think of the things I wait for I ask Him to calm my restless heart. 

"While I'm waiting, I will serve You, while I'm waiting, I will worship...I will not faint...even while I wait."

John Waller