October 16, 2011

A Coward's Courage

"We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous"

Casting Crowns

I went to see Courageous, the movie made by Sherwood pictures (Fireproof and Facing the Giants) for the second time last night. As I sat in the darkness and the actions of the men and women of the story flashed before my eyes, it struck me. I am a coward. This is not the first time that this thought has "hit me between the eyes" but it always hits just as hard. Do I have the courage to resolve to be a better person before God and the people around me? In writing? The men in the story did. They made a resolution to be better by, for and with God. They, though perhaps burdened by fear, took a step of faith.One of them failed. The other three found strength from God they could never have fathomed. I want that. I want that faith. But it is a comfort to me that I want more faith. It shows me that I am hungry for a better relationship with God, that I want to rely on His unending strength and not my own fragile, practically nonexistent strength. Nonetheless, I want to be better, more focused and more dependent on God.  I want to stand, reliant on God, and bold for His name. "It starts with us tonight."

The other thought that came to my head was my future. Husband that is. It is hard to watch others date and be happy when I have never had a relationship. It is hard to watch people grow closer to each other in that way while I-well, watch. What I found from Courageous was courage to be patient. There is a man who has resolve, maybe he doesn't yet, but who will be resolved to be a man, a husband and a father. He isn't here right now, so I am obviously not ready and neither is he. Waiting for him will be worthwhile, and I will strive with God's strength to be a woman of God, for him. I long for the day I will meet him, or rather the day that I know it is him. But I am content. Content to wait and grow and be satisfied with the wonderful friends and family I have. When I need him, God will send him. Or when he needs me, I will be sent. However it works out is fine with me. I trust Him to cross our paths in His own time. His own good time. It takes courage to be patient. Courage that I don't have. So this is my prayer for him and I: "Lord make us Courageous."

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