I have found myself believing that communication with my Savior must be deep and intense every time it occurs. I have also found myself realizing through the words of a friend, that this may not be healthy, wise or true.
Perhaps that is my stumbling block, that every word to God has to be the deepest, best word my mind can utter to Him. Honestly, He doesn't want that. He wants us. Real, raw, vulnerable; every stutter and un-eloquent phrase of mind without effort, without pre-planning. He wants us to be as real with Him as we are to our closest friends, as we are to ourselves.
I desire eloquence. I always have. While watching the Lord of the Rings the other day I wished to myself to sound like Galadriel, the quintessence of eloquence and grace in voice, words and appearance. But God doesn't want me to be Galadriel. He wants me to be me; quirky, a little awkward, gooberish and utterly imperfect.
So instead of focusing on how I say my prayers, I want to be concerned with what I say. Sometimes I don't need to say anything at all. Sometimes I just need to feel before Him, to let the words fall away and the raw feelings speak in a language unknown, unutterable.
"Even a 'thank You that I survived' will please Him," my friend said.
So "When you cannot pray as you would, pray as you can." Dean M. Goulburn.
Even the smallest prayer is appreciated by God. I love how sometimes your prayers don't even have to be words at all, but simply what you feel in your heart. God knows, and He is thankful!
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