Summer, that beautiful, cocoon: restful, quiet, peaceful, intimate. Summer is no more, not for me. I sit in my residence hall room, little glowing lanterns casting a warmth across my hands, and I worry. I am a fretting sparrow.
Worry is a natural reaction to a situation. Worry is fear. Will all these ten things that I have no control over turn out perfectly? Will I look bad? Will people be upset? Will I be able to pay? I try so hard not to worry.
Maybe that is the issue.
Fighting worry with nothing more than trying not to worry has never worked. Fear cannot be fought with effort to control. No, fear is fought with trust, and overcome with courage, healed by release.
Where can I get that? I wish they sold it at Meijer. Buy a can, drink it, and *poof* no worries!
ha.
If Meijer sells courageous trust with no fear added, I have never been able to find it.
Then the song plays this moment. "I need You, oh I need You. My one Defense, my Righteousness, o God how I need You." That answers my question. Where do I find courage? How can I build trust? Trying harder only wears me down.
Breaking, letting Him break me, letting light come through my cracks, just looking for Him, that is the healing. Reliance on Him, letting my weaknesses wear through me so He can enter in and pour through, that is how we build trust and find courage. Admitting need for Him changes things. Knowing Him changes us.
Thank you for knowing my heart, even while sitting in a different situation, even from hundreds of miles away.
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